LETTING GO OF EXES (SERIES) - PHASE 1

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Many at times articles about relationships and love focus on how to know he or she is the one, how to know he or she is not the one, how to know if he or she wants to marry you and start a family with you, what to do to make him or her love you more, perfect gifts for your partner and so on. It is only recently that I stumbled upon an article about exes which had some pretty interesting and funny suggestions such as burning things he or she gave you, not drinking, rewarding yourself, not entertaining him or her, avoiding him or her, hanging out with friends, starting a relationship or dating someone else and so on. I do not agree with majority of those because that doesn’t allow you to fully agree with your inner self that things are no longer how it was. The most absurd ones are starting another relationship and avoiding or not entertaining him or her, I really don’t know how those will help.

Letting go truly and in fact has nothing to do with deleting each other’s numbers, ignoring each other and pretending the other doesn’t exist and what you two had never happened. Ignorance and pretence will not take you anywhere, they will only last for a short time. You want to be okay and never regret or lapse into thoughts of what ifs. 

Also, what is this thing about exes being enemies. If you can't be friends then at least be acquaintances. Holding grudges and all that is not worth it, you just worry yourself. 

In this series, I share my candid opinion and suggest actions that can allow a person to fully let go of someone who once meant the world to them. It comes in five phases which will be five different blog posts. With each phase, you gradually forgive yourself and the other (especially in situations where the relationship ended on a terribly bad note).

But before I begin, understand that it is not easy but it has to be done. Why? Simply because we keep ignoring the fact that a lot of people take the baggage from their previous relationship(s) to the new one(s) and end up ruining what could have been a great thing. Also, it allows you to live a happy stress free life and not unnecessarily holding back so now let’s start with the first phase. 

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1. ACCEPTING IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE

This is effing hard especially with all the incredible memories and moments. Every relationship was never 100% terrible so walking out of one is not a walk in the park how much more letting go of a person who you were once intimate with. And I don’t just mean physical intimacy, I’m accentuating on intellectual, emotional and psychological intimacy; someone who knows or knew you inside out. This is between you and your inner self, not your friends or family because all they mostly do is jump to conclusion and tell you it wasn’t meant to be just because they saw or you told them about the rough times. Talk with yourself and understand and admit that the relationship was one you were meant to learn from and grow in and not one that lasts forever. No what ifs and regrets! 

Whether you read his/her text accidentally or intentionally and realised he/she was cheating on you, you had a casual and harmless date with a male or female friend and he/she became extremely jealous, you questioned him/her for staying out to late often, or whatever it was, don’t dwell on what would have happened if you did something differently or regret your actions. Tell you this, it wasn’t meant to be so if not now then later on it would have ended. Even if nothing happened and you both agreed to end things, don’t dwell on what you could have done to make things better or let feelings grow. If you don’t regret and wish to change something from the past, you have accepted that the relationship has ended and it wasn’t meant to be after all. You are letting go and not pushing it somewhere to get back to it later.

There are people who are meant to be but their relationship is very rocky. They break and come back together often and that kind is an exception. The people in that kind just have to work on a lot of things, understanding and agreeing being some. 

With that out of the way, we can take this phase as one that can work because with this the other phases will be pretty easy. It is not something that takes a day or two, you don’t have to rush into things which is why dating or entering another relationship right after leaving one is not ideal or advisable. If crying will help, you can. I mean we are all human but no drugs or drinking or sleeping around or pushing people away or hurting those around you or fighting and insulting your ex, those are the worst things you can do.

This is just the first phase and a huge one so do it and do it right. Watch out for the blog post next week which will contain information on the next phase. If you have anything to say such as a suggestion or constructive criticism or experience or opinion, then comment on this post but if it is private or personal contact me on Instagram @cee_jay_lynn and I will get back to you.

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Thank You for Reading and Good Luck!!!!