LETTING GO OF EXES (SERIES) - PHASE 2

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A relationship where the parties have strong feelings towards each other is beautiful but its end doesn’t have to be horrendous. It is a try and error matter, which we all have a right to. No one knows for sure who their life partner is, it is not written on our foreheads. Some have died whiles others are yet to be born but we don’t know that so we explore. No one can fault as for doing that even when we make a mistake or two along the way. 

At the same time, getting to know someone can be very insightful, both positively and negatively, which is where the success and failure of most relationships lie. Majority of people will conclude that they just never knew their former partner enough because if they did, they wouldn’t have started a relationship with them to begin with or they would have done something different. Even those who are with people they believe to be their life partners will tell you they do not know them enough which is true when you think about it. You cannot even always predict correctly what you will do in a given situation unless faced with it, how much more another person. Let us face it, we have to applaud people for dealing with our unpredictable ways and applaud ourselves as well.

Now! What do you do when it is over? What do you do after accepting it was never meant to be? 

Well, if you have been able to accept it was never meant to be, then the next phase will be a walk in the park but only slightly because this is love, affection and relationships we are talking about and they are pretty complex and unpredictable.

This goes hand-in-hand with phase 1 but I’m emphasizing it to ensure that what should be achieved is achieved, which is letting go.

2. LIVING WITH IT

After accepting it wasn’t meant to be, you have to live with it. Live with the thoughts of having once been with them no matter what the person did or how he/she was. Live with the memories of the moments you shared but not letting it rule over you. You should make peace with yourself and be objective about the situation. No fantasizing.

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Whether the person abused you either verbally, physically or emotionally; the person was a gold-digger; the person cheated on you or any other scenario that you might have encountered which makes it something you want to forget, you have to realise that such things can’t be forgotten so take the relatively easier route, learn to live with it.

If you are able to live with it, you will not want to be enemies with the person. Seeing and talking to the person doesn’t irritate you. You hold no grudges whatsoever which means no more heartache or worries. You are not bothered when you see your ex with a new partner or excelling in whatever he/she does; seeing them fail is not your ‘dying’ wish.

But a lot of people do that, curse their exes and wish them failure and pain but that is not the way to go. I do not know about you but that kind of emotional and mental baggage that comes with wanting a person’s downfall and going to the extent of ensuring it happens cannot be tolerated by me.

Letting go is not attempting to forget and disregard things. You should be able to go to the restaurant you both had several dates at and not want to break down or hurt someone. You should still have the desire to do fun things even if some of those fun things are a favourite of your ex. Your life shouldn’t come to a standstill. You shouldn’t have to change things because the relationship ended. Dedicating yourself to hurting innocent people especially current and future partners because of what your ex did is extremely childish for lack of a better word and shouldn’t be something you do or wish to do.

A lot of you will have a misconception about what I’m saying but let me elaborate father in simpler terms, shall I? It is over so you have to move on, if not then what else? You accept it was never meant to be because if it was, then the ultimatum wouldn’t be going your separate ways. Now, you don’t attempt to forget or withdraw from the world, you live with it just like you live with a scar but of course a few days of wallowing in self-pity is allowed. Trust me, it is even needed and that is a s far as it goes. No looking back with some wishful thinking, no regrets, no pretence and furthermore no vengeful thoughts. In other words, do not be bitter. 

I believe that as you successfully go through these phases you will not rush into another relationship and will be more matured for it but at the same time you will not let good things pass you by.

This is the second phase and a vital one just like the other four so face it head-on. Watch out for the blog post next week which will contain information on the third phase. If you have anything to say such as a suggestion or constructive criticism or experience or opinion, then comment on this post but if it is private or personal contact me on Instagram @cee_jay_lynn and I will get back to you.

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Thank You for Reading and Good Luck!!!!