LETTING GO OF EXES (SERIES) - PHASE 5

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Throughout this series I have laid emphasis on the point that relationships end for a reason. There could be a plethora of causes or just a few. In some instances, you will know what went wrong but in other instances you will not. 

Inability to understand each other completely, mistrust, disrespect, unhappiness, disloyalty, absence of love & care and lack of patience, determination & commitment are some of the few major causes of relationship being unsuccessful. However, there are some cases where the problems are more complex and unexplainable.

Well, what is the last phase when letting go of an ex?

5. SEEKING CLOSURE

Why is it necessary?

It brings about a feeling of totality and a conclusion to emotions. It involves having a discussion with the other about the good and bad of the relationship. 

I established this as the last phase and not the first (as many of you might suggest) because without the prior stages, you will analyse every opinion of the other as hurtful and full of nonsense or you will have a perception that he/she still likes you and the failed relationship can be salvaged. You might break down as well which is an action attributable to the previous stages especially one and two. You might also harbor thoughts on what have or might have been and that is a no – no. 

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Talking things through helps to throw much needed light on what was obvious and make you aware of what was not noticeable; which is beneficial because your thoughts and feelings might be different from your ex. After all, it is very rare to correctly know what someone is thinking. 

Many people find it irrelevant & unnecessary, believing that if you have ended things then that should be it and that there is no need for closure or talking with your former partner. This is typical of those people who plan on being ‘enemies’ with their exes. Because how will you be cool with them without clearing the air? Obviously a lot of assuming and drawing of conclusions will ensue which can be very misleading. I also think closure allows you to be able to tolerate the other mainly his/her presence. 

I believe if you know the details of the other’s perception concerning the relationship then you can work on what is not favourable and improve upon the good aspects to solidify it for the benefit of the next relationship you enter. 

I personally do not accept that the saying ‘what you do not know will not hurt you’ can be applied in this regard. For the reason that, this is the kind of situation where most at times you have a clue or little amount of information on what went wrong. It might have happened after an argument, after one of you said or did something and the like. You may have realized it or were oblivious.

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Many at times, people want to be the seen as the victim in these circumstances. The fact that he/she is the one who suggested the breakup does not necessarily mean you are innocent, at least not all the time so go find out what went wrong even when it was evident. 

I keep wondering though. Why would you just walk away after everything? Why will you conclude that a person is no longer important to you? How does someone no longer be your priority? The other needs to understand this so grant them closure. 

Clearing the air or having full comprehension of the basis for the relationship ending and making peace with yourself and your ex (specifically forgiving him/her) are two of the undeniable benefits of attaining closure.

So when the relationship ends, accept it was never meant to be, live with that thought, pick up life lessons from the relationship, aspire for change and seek closure so you can let go wholeheartedly.

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Do not concentrate on past slip-ups since it lets you become more inclined to making a mistake.

Question: Between an ex who finds another partner shortly after the breakup and an ex who still has feelings for you but cannot be with you for one reason or the other (trivial or significant), which one makes it easier to move on? Which one makes living bearable? Which one is difficult to conceptualize? (Comment on your thoughts regarding this).

This is sadly the LAST phase and also equally important so do it and do it right. If you have not read any of the other preceding phases, please do that so you can understand everything better. Again, if you have anything to say such as a suggestion or constructive criticism or experience or opinion, then comment on this post but if it is private or personal contact me on Instagram @cee_jay_lynn and I will get back to you.

This series was not focused on the most affected or hurt by a breakup but for both parties. 

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Thank You for Reading and Good Luck!!!!